Four years ago, in my second year of graduate school, I wrote about coping with failure as a graduate student. I was frustrated I couldn’t answer scientific questions because I was spending all of my time trying to get basic techniques to work. Since then, I continued to experience disappointment, both in and out of the lab. I’ve recently been reflecting on what I would now tell my younger self, and I’m sharing those thoughts in the hope that they might help someone else.
Let yourself grieve.
When we experience disappointment, there’s a sharp emotional response. That response has to pass before we can evaluate what happened and decide what to do next. The first few times we’re disappointed, it takes a long time to process and dispel our negative feelings. Eventually, we begin to heal from disappointment faster.
We can’t force rational processes onto emotion – emotions happen in their own time, through a system older and deeper than our executive functioning. But we can understand how our own feelings work and create space for them to happen and to minimize the damage they inflict on our lives. That can mean taking an afternoon or day to sulk after a frustrating experiment or “not discussed” grant application. The pain will eventually subside, and then you can think. And each time, with each disappointment, the cycle will get shorter.
Access to the full article is available to SfN members.
Neuronline is a benefit of SfN membership. Renew your membership now to make sure you don’t lose access.
About the Contributor
