A Busy Parent’s Guide to Pursuing a STEM PhD

It may be unconventional, but having children before or during your PhD is not career suicide. Now, in the midst of my PhD training, I have two girls: one is ten and the other is three. Here are some lessons and advice for those who may find themselves in a similar situation.

1. There will be sacrifices that others in your class or cohort will not have to face. Every day you will have to choose which goal you need to accomplish. One day it may be skipping time with your kids to repeat an experiment or write a chapter of your dissertation. Another day you may sacrifice going to a networking event to attend your child’s rock-climbing class. Let go of the guilt that comes with letting your laundry sit for a week. There is no sweet way to put it – sacrifice inherently comes with the territory. The silver lining? You will master time management and quick decision making. Guilt over what sacrifice wanes over time. 
2. Build a support system. You will need a reliable partner or a strong family network. In your personal life, ensure your partner understands you will be taking on an incredibly hard task with low pay and long hours. Make sure your bond is strong. If possible, communicate with your family and ask for as much help as possible. Furthermore, you will need a supportive mentor/advisor. Your mentor will make or break your PhD experience. When interviewing or rotating through different labs, be clear that you have priorities higher than the PhD, but make sure that you give them confidence that you can complete tasks in a timely manner. As a parent, there will be days where you need to go home or take the day off, so having open communication will show that you are reliable and responsible.
3. Complete at least one task a day, even on your time off. One task a day equals at least 365 tasks per year. This task could mean finish your data analysis or write a paragraph. You will probably have more tasks than one, but even on the days when you feel like you cannot do anything, try to complete at least one task.
4. Set boundaries with your PI and lab mates. This concept goes hand in hand with the third rule – a good relationship will encourage healthy boundaries. A PhD means you should be able to make your own reasonable schedule. Set a time when you are not accessible. For instance, 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. in my house is sacred, and I will not answer calls. The occasional text? Sure, but I am not opening my laptop until the kids are in bed.
5. Understand that the road to a PhD is different for everyone. While it may be more common for students to be single while pursuing their degree, it is not unheard of to have a family AND get your PhD. It is definitely possible; you may find some in your institution. It is not a bad idea to try to become friends with other PhD parents as you can grow your network and support system. At the end of the day, you are not alone, and you can make it through with a little help. If you are a first-generation college graduate, you are opening doors for your children that you didn’t even know opened!

Although this time in your life is going to feel longer than it actually is, one day those little fingerprints on your TV or computer screen will be gone, that car with permanent ketchup stains will be traded in, and your piles of laundry will fill with only adult-sized clothes. Science will always be there to greet you with open arms at any age, but your children will only be small for a few summers.

About the Contributor

Tiffany Bartel

Tiffany Bartel is a PhD candidate at Cleveland State University, Cleveland Clinic Foundation. She received her bachelor's degree in biology and neuroscience from Baldwin Wallace University. Bartel’s research focus is on cellular and molecular mechanisms underlying focal cortical dysplasia (FCD) and drug-resistant epilepsies.